Sunday, December 30, 2012

Sunday, December 23, 2012

I love because I love and not because of lust

Things I should have done.

1. Have my bath. 2. Pray. 3. Clean up my room. 4. Learn. 5. Decorate. 6. Watch all the seasons of HIMYM Well, I just had my bath and prayed. That's a good start I guess. Spend today with him before he leaves to college. God, I hope he'll be fine there. I am happy. In some sorta way, we really complete each other, and that's a nice feeling to feel.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

An again.

So, here we go again. One of those vulnarable night. So vulnarable that i decided to blog. I feel like I have to begin my life again. This one, I have a really good feeling that it would turn out beautiful. I was just a little girl, a baby. A baby girl who doesn't feel like she's the same as others. But that ain't matter. That could be good. That is a good thing. Am I still a baby girl? Because I still do believe in beautiful wonderland. Am I a stupid girl for even dreaming I could? I hate to believe that there is hate in this world. That's why I ignore. I was such an ignorant person. I ignored everything, everyone. I have forgotten that I can't live alone. I have forgotten....I ain't a baby girl anymore. The biggies don't take care of me like they used to. I have my own feet, I can stand by myself. It's totally alright. It's cool. Sometimes, I even ignore the one's that matter. Someday, I'll have kids of my own. I'll have a family of my own. I promise I will not repeat the same mistake, I will take care of 'em like the mafia princess took care of her family. Family comes first. Family is everything. I'll start my own beautiful family. You know, I have learn more than enough in life. I have seen most everything I need to see/understand. But there is still more to learn. But I guess I am taking the learning process a break for a bit. Just to digest everything I have learnt from my mistake and just to really understand it deeply. But, how can I understand it if I don't obey Allah SWT ? I wonder. I am really communicating with myself, so that i don't have to lie anymore when he asks me wheather I'm okay. This time when I say I'm okay, I really mean it. I thank God for everything. For the knowledge he gave me. For the way I think, the way I believe. But is it too much to ask a new life again? A new environment, new friends. That's all I'm asking. I don't want to go back. I apologise for all of my past. It's been a year of us. I don't want to stop counting. Don't let me stop counting. I swear I'm good in mathematics. I feel so excited for 2013, gonna burn all of my fear, and let the flame shine in the future. Till then, x.

Friday, August 10, 2012

A dead blog, indeed, again.

Hello again mates ! Been quite long since i last blogged :O So, what is going on ay ? Life is...different. Different in so many ways, angles, perspectives, etc.. I have learnt a lot. And I have worked so hard to give up. So I will never decide to give up. With life. Sometimes, I feel like my life is on 'pause'. Something is missing. I believe I will find that 'missing part' soon. It's like, I am living in a total different life than what I am supposed to live in. I have never expected this. What I imagined when I was 12 years old, were all wrong. But I am so grateful with everything I have now. I'm sorry, but it is not enough yet. Still have to find that missing piece. You beautiful people have a great life, 8 days till Raya, be strong, and put your heads up ! :) xx

Sunday, February 12, 2012


So, it is going great. I can't seem to express this feeling of mine. I dont know how to. I am just hoping for the best, and hoping that this one stays and it is true. I don't need more. Being true is good enough for me.

Monday, January 2, 2012


Opened my eyes, and I realize it is alrdy 2012. Maybe i do feel something, but some part just doesn't care about how the world works anymore. Being close to nature is more meaningful than dealing with people these days. Let's just not care. Happy New Year !