Sunday, December 30, 2012

Sunday, December 23, 2012

I love because I love and not because of lust

Things I should have done.

1. Have my bath. 2. Pray. 3. Clean up my room. 4. Learn. 5. Decorate. 6. Watch all the seasons of HIMYM Well, I just had my bath and prayed. That's a good start I guess. Spend today with him before he leaves to college. God, I hope he'll be fine there. I am happy. In some sorta way, we really complete each other, and that's a nice feeling to feel.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

An again.

So, here we go again. One of those vulnarable night. So vulnarable that i decided to blog. I feel like I have to begin my life again. This one, I have a really good feeling that it would turn out beautiful. I was just a little girl, a baby. A baby girl who doesn't feel like she's the same as others. But that ain't matter. That could be good. That is a good thing. Am I still a baby girl? Because I still do believe in beautiful wonderland. Am I a stupid girl for even dreaming I could? I hate to believe that there is hate in this world. That's why I ignore. I was such an ignorant person. I ignored everything, everyone. I have forgotten that I can't live alone. I have forgotten....I ain't a baby girl anymore. The biggies don't take care of me like they used to. I have my own feet, I can stand by myself. It's totally alright. It's cool. Sometimes, I even ignore the one's that matter. Someday, I'll have kids of my own. I'll have a family of my own. I promise I will not repeat the same mistake, I will take care of 'em like the mafia princess took care of her family. Family comes first. Family is everything. I'll start my own beautiful family. You know, I have learn more than enough in life. I have seen most everything I need to see/understand. But there is still more to learn. But I guess I am taking the learning process a break for a bit. Just to digest everything I have learnt from my mistake and just to really understand it deeply. But, how can I understand it if I don't obey Allah SWT ? I wonder. I am really communicating with myself, so that i don't have to lie anymore when he asks me wheather I'm okay. This time when I say I'm okay, I really mean it. I thank God for everything. For the knowledge he gave me. For the way I think, the way I believe. But is it too much to ask a new life again? A new environment, new friends. That's all I'm asking. I don't want to go back. I apologise for all of my past. It's been a year of us. I don't want to stop counting. Don't let me stop counting. I swear I'm good in mathematics. I feel so excited for 2013, gonna burn all of my fear, and let the flame shine in the future. Till then, x.